Aries, Libra, and Perfectionism
With all this activity in the Aries-Libra axis, I've been hearing in myself and many others themes of belonging or not belonging, and themes of people feeling insecurity or shame for being a beginner or not knowing a thing.
The Astrology
Jupiter, planet of knowledge and understanding has been moving backward through Aries, a place where we separate from the group to be an individual. This can be a necessary but painful experience. Chiron is there, adding potency and a stinging sensation to the medicine of these skies. We are having to bravely walk through a fire of some kind, to find a more authentic version of ourselves on the other side. When the planet of understanding is moving backwards in the sky, we can be sure to find gaps in knowledge or understanding, and that’s fantastic! But learning you didn’t know a thing can also be difficult. Hang in there, Jupiter stations direct on 11/23/22, and I bet we will know much more by then.
The Sun, Mercury, and Venus are in diplomatic Libra, the place of belonging (or not) where we discuss ethics and aesthetics, but in a way that is just. so. Libra can often have us second guessing our decorum, second guessing our own desires for the sake of others.
Being critical Saturn’s place of exaltation, Libra can have a critical-streak of it’s own that could make a Virgo blush. Libra is like Virgo’s awareness to detail, but now with 150% more interpersonal dynamics added. WHEW. If there is a tangle in your life, particularly in the Libra/Aries or Scorpio/Taurus parts of your chart, I think we're going to need time in Scorpio and the eclipses to do the untangling over the next several weeks.
Perfectionism. Ugh.
There's so much pressure in many of our lives to be perfect. This is not humane. As in, perfection is not humane because it denies the imperfect reality of being human. Even wider, if we consider how we place perfectionism on non-human animals and nature - perfectionism denies the limits of what is sustainable and kind for all living beings. We had to have a company take up the ugly vegetables because we are so obsessed with perfection in this culture.
Our external environments, circumstances, people places things, all hold unrealistic expectations over us. But we don't have to accept that for ourselves and we don’t have to place it on others. I think in such a socially divided time, cutting ourselves slack (and, it's hard but, cutting each other some slack), is needed. I am not saying we should abandon standards or accountability, but relative to 'Perfect', we need some slack. Lately I've even been cutting some slack to the upstairs bork-bork-borky dog, because it's hard to be perfect as a dog surrounded by squirrels. It's hard to be perfect as a human surrounded by opportunities to be unskillful.
This comes up for me personally in a reckoning with my stage fright. Whew, all this astrology weather in my personal 3rd/9th, and soon 10th houses [gestures broadly]. My own desire to be perfect, to constantly provide something of value, be of value. None of these states of mind are humane or kind to myself. I don't think I'm alone in feeling this way which is why I share it here.
How many readers of this newsletter have amazing ideas, creations, experiences of their own that could inspire or help others, but those messages don't get through us because we are caught in the hooks of perfectionism and the associated fear of inadequacy/rejection? (Or maybe I'm just telling on myself!)
Perfectionism stifles creativity. It stifles intimacy.
Creativity and intimacy happen and are built when we take the risk of making mistakes. We have to make mistakes as we explore. Like little sharks accidentally biting the wrong things that aren't food, and should have been friends. We make mistakes when we are out and alive in the world. When we navigate mistakes in relationship with others, there is an opportunity to grow stronger connection.
Learning new things and experimenting can only happen when we suspend expectations, particularly ones of perfection. It's imperative we divorce ourselves from it while holding space for sustainable standards and thoughtful criticism.
How Do We Let Go of Perfectionism?
How though? Because last time I checked, not feeling adequate or making mistakes feels BAD.
Shame and guilt that accompany perfectionism feel bad. So we naturally avoid making mistakes, avoid learning new things, avoid experimentation, creativity, living and loving, all to protect ourselves.
Believing we don't belong or not belonging feels bad. In mistake-making we perceive or believe there's a risk of not belonging. We could lose belonging.
Perfectionism is protecting us from those potential bad feels, but at the cost of connection, creativity, and humane expectations. It's ok to protect ourselves though, and it's a great thing that we do. These feelings may never leave us, because they serve a protective function in a lot of scenarios. Shame helps us by reinforcing that we will never let that harmful thing happen again. Knowing this means we don’t have to feel shame for feeling shame. Which is what happens sometimes we we discover it. Brains are wild, right?
Evolutionarily speaking, not belonging to the group meant death for a lot of different animals who needed groups to survive. This stuff goes DEEP. Worrying about what others' think goes DEEP. This is why I rarely believe people who say they don't care what *any* others think. These aversions we have to being a beginner or to making mistakes is partly a survival instinct. Shame can be natural and protective, and so you can see the complexity and difficulty in the 'How' of it.
All to say: Letting go of perfectionism is no small task.
Forgiving our past mistakes (with accountability), trusting ourselves to navigate our future mistakes, taking the risk of being connected and creative - these are no small tasks, and more lifelong practices.
The fear makes sense. Avoiding mistakes because they feel bad makes sense. I'll say it again: These feelings likely won't ever leave us because they serve a protective function in a lot of scenarios. But also, too much protection starts to decrease our quality of life.
If you don't feel like you fit in, or like you are "behind" a learning curve, take a moment to give yourself some patience and compassion. You can say to yourself:
I am so brave for living my life and doing things and being with people.
It's ok to not know. It's ok to be new to something. It's ok to make mistakes.
Fear is important information, and I trust myself to navigate whatever comes.
Write it on post-it notes. Put them around your home <3
I believe the more we practice this way of thinking, the more open we all open to each others’ ideas, which is needed right now to move forward.
ASTROLOGY DATES OF INTEREST
10/21 Venus Cazimi starts in Libra → 10/22 and ends in Scorpio
10/23 Saturn stations direct
10/23 Sun and Venus into Scorpio
10/25 Scorpio (New Moon) Solar Eclipse
10/28 Jupiter into Pisces
10/29 Mercury into Scorpio
10/30 Mars stations retrograde
11/7-11/8 Mercury Cazimi
11/8 Taurus (Full Moon) Lunar Eclipse
11/16 Venus into Sagittarius
11/17 Mercury intro Sagittarius
11/22 Sun into Sagittarius
Acknowledgements:
The above has been inspired by:
my own life experiences/roles
the NICABM course I'm currently taking re: origins and protective functions of shame
the book Do Better by Rachel Ricketts - she discusses how perfectionism is part of, and enables white supremacy
and Dr. Brene Brown's work with fostering creativity in corporate environments by embracing courage and vulnerability
Thanks for reading, dear reader. Don’t forget to check out my new Electional Astrology offering! Also, if you’ve never booked a reading with me before, you can use the 15% off discount code SCORPIO15 until 11/22/22 to book any New Client Natal or Forecasting appointment!